Aries–Sour Patch Kids
Sour. Sweet. Gone. Why is the slogan identical to the timeline of dating an Aries?
Okay, Aries gets a bad rep. They really do mean well; the issue is in their execution. The sour aspect leaves your tongue a little raw, but for some reason, we don’t really mind the burn because of the super soft and sweet center. The initial sour punch is reminiscent of Aries’ headstrong manner. Who can deny that Aries is a little reckless in a childlike, sour, kiddish–yet undeniably lovable–way?Taurus–Cookies and Cream Hershey Bar
This candy bar is so good, it almost verges on hedonism.
I know a weird amount of people who stan this rare trick-or-treat candy. Most homes are giving out the standard Hershey’s fun-size bar, or maybe if they’re going wild–the Hershey bar with almonds, but how often do you see suburban families recklessly distributing the Cookies and Cream Hershey Bar?
Taurus won’t share their Halloween candy, unless its an enticing trade. When it comes to the Cookies and Cream Hershey Bar, they’re off the table for sharing, because honestly, how often do you actually get to have one? They’re indulgent and an unintentional, effortless cult-favorite…did you mean, Taurus?Gemini–Butterfinger
The texture of a Butterfinger is curious…like, why is the peanut butter weirdly crunchy? Why do I enjoy that? It’s because it’s intriguing and unexpected. It “breaks out of the ordinary,” much like Gemini.
Even though it’s still sweet as hell, Butterfinger has a more savory note than its sweeter and softer cousin, Reese’s Cups (Cancer). Butterfinger–the fave treat of the king of chaos, Bart Simpson–is also a tad flaky. It commits to too many things at once: peanut butter, chocolate, melty, crunchy, sweet, savory, buttery.
Also, name a candy with more spokespeople and a better marketing reputation. There’s socialite Gemini written all over this.Cancer–Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups
Name a more delicious duo than chocolate and peanut butter. Not only are the flavors perfectly married, Reese’s Cups have a decadent, comforting texture that definitely makes Cancer want to eat a baker’s dozen of them while watching Hocus Pocus, because it reminds them of watching it on ABC Family during their childhood.
Plus, drunk Cancers frequently act like Geminis (who are Butterfinger, which is basically a chaotic Reese’s Cup in candy bar form).Leo–Snickers
Leo isn’t Leo when they’re hungry. Actually, out of all of the signs, they’re close to the top of the list of “Most Likely to Get Hangry.”
Milk chocolate, caramel, nougat, peanuts! Even though there’s a lot going on here, we really couldn’t have it any other way. Imagine a Snickers without one of its crucial components–yawn! It’s 100% necessary to have that many flavors meshing together to create perhaps the most decadent candy bar on the market. What’s Leo without all of their complications and drama anyway?Virgo–M&M’s
M&Ms work hard. They come in a billion flavors and colors and can even be customized, mirroring Virgo’s perfectionist tendencies. They want the job done, they want the job done right, and they want everyone to love it. Much like a Virgo, M&Ms are incapable of becoming too soft because of their hard shell, but eventually, they do get melty and sweet. Just give them some time.
Not only are they wildly practical (thanks to their innovative candy shell), M&Ms come with an interesting World War II origin story that Virgo would casually bring up at a Halloween party to appear intellectual in a history-buff sort of way and casually well-read.Libra–Three Musketeers
It’s literally just chocolate paired with whipped up chocolate. It’s a Milky Way without the caramel. If you like chocolate, you’ll like Three Musketeers; it’s palatable and generally non-offensive. There’s really nothing to dislike. Much like Libra, Three Musketeers just wants to charm and please people, not taking on any other flavors or bold textures to turn anyone off.
It feels decadent, but in reality, it’s like, 90% air. That element of airiness leaves us wanting a little more–something actually indulgent, not just superficially indulgent. That’s not to say they’re not good. They are good. They’re fluffy and chocolatey and sweet. We’re not complaining.Scorpio–Hot Tamales
They might not seem like a popular candy, but in the United States, Hot Tamales rank as the seventh best selling Halloween candy. Why are we so secretive about our love for Hot Tamales? They’re delicious, and if you don’t think so, your palette is probably not elevated enough to understand. Hot Tamales are for kids with a more refined palate, or adults still crushing the Halloween candy game.
These fiery little treats will 100% leave you a little burnt but simultaneously wanting more. While Scorpio’s a water sign, they’re extremely fiery because of their passionate nature, which comes off as fierce and potentially intimidating at first. Because they’re spicy, people frequently forget that Hot Tamales are actually super soft, gummy candies. Underneath Scorpio’s shell, there’s a soft and sweet (but still spicy) core. Misunderstood and underrated!Sagittarius–Twix
Need a moment? Spontaneous and frequently putting their foot in their mouth (in an endearing way), Sagittarius needs a moment approximately 100% of the time. Even the name “Twix” just sounds straightforward and punchy, much like the impulsive nature of Sag.
Arguably, Twix bars are one of the best candy bars going. They are crunchy, sweet, smooth, chocolatey, caramel-y, and satisfying. Twix bars are the shit. Sag thinks they’re the shit, and they act like it too. But can we blame them? They’re fun, spontaneous, caring, always down for indulgence–voted most likely to be invited to every Halloween party and win the costume contest.Capricorn–Kit Kat
Have a break, have a Kit Kat. Notorious workaholic, Capricorn, needs a break.
Capricorn appreciates the functionality of a Kit Kat. They’re straight to the point: milk chocolate with a satisfactory crunch. Classic milk chocolate, classic wafers. Call them boring, but they’re reliable. Has a Kit Kat ever let you down? No.Aquarius–Skittles
Aquarians: the resident eccentrics of the zodiac! Quirky, full of life, colors, and flavors–what else could Aquarius be other than Skittles? If you don’t think Skittles are quirky as hell, just watch a Skittles commercial. They’re bizarre (but endearing).
At first, Aquarius seems aloof, perhaps even a little guarded, like a Skittle’s shell, but that’s because they have a lot going on in that colorful mind of theirs. They’re just distracted. Their guard quickly drops to reveal to their vulnerable, empathetic, and endlessly sweet core–much like a Skittle’s chewy middle. They’re out to bring eccentricity to your candy bowl or Halloween party, spreading color and optimism.Pisces–Swedish Fish
Swedish Fish take the cake as the most consistent candy going. They have one color, one flavor, one shape, and one texture that has never betrayed our trust by changing. (Okay, they’ve added some flavors and colors, but only the red is relevant and widely available). Their consistency provides Pisces comfort; they know exactly what to expect when they pick up a bag of Swedish Fish. It conjures up nostalgia and brings them back to childhood, as the candy has not changed at all. Pisces are the ultimate soft sign, and Swedish Fish are the ultimate soft candy.
Plus, they’re fish. I’m a sucker for symbolism.
The theme of this meme was inspired by a meme originally created by @sanctuarywrld on Instagram.